So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
