if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
MIDGETS
????
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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