everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
