I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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