So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
