You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
