I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
