Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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