i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
