U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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