i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
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