Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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