I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
