her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
