Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
