were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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