My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
