So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
