Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
People in love make me want to vomit
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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