found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
