Little spoons don't ask big questions
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
