When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
