Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
