I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
