I looked at my own cervix.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
