the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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