I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
