I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
