is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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