Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
