Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
