WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
