Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
