I'm jealous of your bromance
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
