The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
