So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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