I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
