I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
home. puking in laundry basket.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
