Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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