Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
