god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
