I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
