david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.