remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
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... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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