How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I need to stop coming to work sober
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Randomize
