You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I am mentally ready for anal.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
