Just cropdusted the office
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
