It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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