just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
