So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
