I feel like abortions should bother me more
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
