Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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