are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
