He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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