apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
