Need sex. Gaining weight.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
