Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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