never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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