Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
