Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
