You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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