That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize