Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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