If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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