Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
