The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
