the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
