Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize