I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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