I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
