we should wear snuggies to the strip club
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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