I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I think your dad took our porno
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
