I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
